This is my first real post at this site. I was supposed to start here a long time ago, but I always had that feeling that I am stuck and that I don't know what to write about, even tho I have a need for writing. Truth is that I am just insecure about my skills. I know that they are not that good, especially when you look at it from the side that English is not my first language, even tho my daily life sometimes somehow gets to be in English all day long.
Maybe you are wondering where that insecurity is coming from. The truth is that I always see my friends as better than me. Like just looking at some of my friends I am like wtf, how they are so good at some stuff like for example dating or just talking to strangers on street. Some others are good at learning languages and those friends I like to ask for advice or what they are thinking about some of my stuff, but I noticed that I am depending a lot on other people's opinions even tho that is not my goal. For example, recently I depend a lot on the opinions of my best friend P. about dating and not because I don't have my own mind, but because I am trying to break that spell of me just being alone at home. We tried everything. She did a literal makeover of me like we went shopping together and bought some clothes that usually I am not wearing. It is not that I don't like those clothes, but I never dared to wear it. I went to a hairdresser, changed my hairstyle, but this one would have come no matter what because I was bored of my previous hair. I changed bio on dating apps and still nothing. I don't need something serious, I would be good with just meeting people, friendship, or maybe just weird dates. You know, like you get a bad date and then later you make it into those stories you can talk about later at least as ice breaker on the next one! Anyway, I can see that I got so far with my questions about it, that I annoy her with it because I have a lot of questions about that stuff. I started to date pretty late and then quickly soon I was in a relationship for a year and a few months. Forgot how to do all those stuff. Then covid came and in this year and almost half, I had few fallings back to ex and 1 what it seems now one nightstand. Bestie suggested that I should go out to meet people, but I don't know how to do that. I never went to clubs to meet people, I don't know how to approach a woman and make convo. Once as a teenager, I tried to do that in the summer holidays. I was all confident, I said to myself I can do it, but then when I said "hi" to her I got stuck. I didn't know what to do next, I just stuttered random words and then I said "do you have FB". The same second I said to myself what idiot I am. I could say that I scared the girl by her confusing look and how nervously she said no. Since then I never again tried to approach people, but I always admire how people just start a conversation on the streets from nothing, total strangers. When you think about it, isn't weird that we sometimes find more easily to start those conversations virtually? I am not really a fan of those pick-up lines, like why convos always have to lead to small talk. I like to talk about deep conversations, even tho most of the time I don't see myself as a deep person, rather just blank. What makes me most sad about this all is that we are not that communicative anymore in person. For example, I worked at a lot of different places. One thing in common they have is that people on the break or even after work just look at their phones. I find that weird because you are spending time with those people more than with your family at home, especially if you are working in a workplace where a shift is more than 8 hours. That is why I want to finish this post with a wish for a better future, a future where we can communicate more with each other.